I used to be afraid of making myself vulnerable and dropping down my emotional walls. I am a Taurean and we are actually extremely emotional beings. But our emotions are locked deep inside a well in our hearts.
But perhaps due to certain experiences not turning out the way I expected, I started to shut my heart.
Closing your Heart is not the Solution
When I was in my last year of university, I developed a huge crush on a guy. For that whole year, I would steal lingering glances at him when he was deep in conversation with his friends. Or as I would walk pass him in the dining commons, I could barely make eye contact with him. Maybe it was my age, I was twenty years old, but I became deeply infatuated with him.
I had to Reveal my Feelings to Him
Since it was my last year in university, I had no idea when I would see him next. I had no idea where life would take me and well, I had no idea where his would take him.
I finally admitted to myself I had to tell him I liked him. I didn’t want to wonder after graduation what could have happened.
So sometime in May 2007 a couple days after my 21st birthday, I stopped him in the middle of the night as he happened to cross a tunnel to get to a dormitory building. I confessed my feelings to him then and there.
Dare to be Vulnerable
It felt like the most wonderful and scariest thing ever. And then he told me. That he had a girlfriend. My face suddenly became flushed with embarrassment and fear.
That experience lived in my heart for many years. Even until 2014. I could never put myself in a vulnerable spot ever again because I was so afraid of rejection. It made me feel not worthy.
But I finally realized this year: I cannot find happiness and peace of mind if I can’t be honest to myself and drop my walls. And if I can be honest to myself, then I can be to others.
How did you feel when you dropped your walls and allowed yourself to be vulnerable? Please share with me in the comments.