You love your guy. You feel secure and happy in your relationship. Only one thing bothers you. Him talking about his ex girlfriend. Ever been in that situation?

You Don’t Like His Constant References to His Ex Girlfriend

You don’t like that he drops her name in casual conversation or mentions he spoke to her recently. I would like to believe I am a very supportive and tolerant person especially in a relationship, but this situation did happen to me. I knew that their break up didn’t happen on the best terms and as he had ended the relationship, I could see there was still some guilt in him over ending the relationship with his ex.

There was a long history between them, knowing each other through their families over the years. In this situation, I can understand the mention of her name in casual passing.

My Thinking was that I’d Rather Hear it From Him…

I trusted him and knew that he was into me. Intuitively, I just knew there wasn’t anything going on. And I thought I’d much rather hear him talk about her occasionally rather than play the role of a “jealous” girlfriend. It was safer to hear about her through him than him not telling me anything. I could have some “control” in this way. I don’t like to admit it, but it made me feel more secure, too.

But It Started to Bother Me

After a point, I could see her effect on him. It was clear she wasn’t over him and though he wasn’t into her, there was guilt in him. That feeling was triggered every time he spoke to her. Fears became activated in him.

I realize now I should’ve been honest and just had a transparent conversation with him. Even though nothing was happening between them, certain people in our lives represent a specific time in our lives. They take us back to what we used to be. And today in this present, you may have evolved. But being in touch with someone who held such a big part in your life can take you back to your fears and who you were.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s fine to be in touch with your ex’s (though quite frankly, I don’t even believe that, but to each his own), but make sure that your fears and guilt from those relationships don’t spill over to your current one. That your belief patterns from then don’t return and undo all the work you’ve done on yourself and your relationship. After all, being in love is beautiful and you should be fair to yourself and your relationship by minimizing contact with people who were a part of your life before your partner came along.

Have you had this experience? What did you do? Please share with me in the comments.