Last week, I focused on Pillar 2: Vulnerability. Timing wise, it was an interesting week. The election fell on this week and I had totally not planned on that coinciding with this pillar. Regardless of your opinion on the election, we can all agree that this election as had us all feeling very vulnerable. On a deeper more personal level, I focused on unleashing my vulnerable side and I saw this being reflected on a global level in our world.
I have grown to love vulnerability and my ability to truly become more receptive and sensitive and in touch with my emotions. This theme has played big in my life this year.
For the girl who was so afraid of wearing her heart on her sleeve or showing any emotion, I’ve come a long way. And I’m so, so proud of myself. And last week, I feel I went even deeper and peeled another layer to reveal my true self and soul.
I focused on this as an overall practice, yet also embodying the feeling of being vulnerable as a state of being throughout the week. Here are the questions I asked myself:
How do I feel in my body when I feel vulnerable? How can I explore being more vulnerable moment to moment? Notice how I can open up and be more vulnerable, whether it is with family or friends or my partner.
These questions lingered in my head and soul and heart and became my main focus for the week. I journaled the answers and my feelings to these questions and noticed with confronting clarity how my body feels in moments of vulnerability.
I had personal moments with family and romantically where I had to learn to express myself clearly and as a result, allow myself to be seen vulnerably and in my emotional naked state. I had to tell them exactly what was in my heart and that it was alright to choke up in tears while articulating myself. There was this tight, tense, rigid feeling and stream of energy in the pit of my stomach. I felt this burning sensation in my chest and my skin and body and felt cold and numb and hot and frozen all together at once.
After doing this, I realized how much importance we place on the other person’s reaction or response. We feel our level of vulnerability is linked to the outcome. This belief fell away for me this week. Something clicked deep in my body. Deep in my soul.
The level of vulnerability I feel is rather deeply linked and connected to the safe, loving, supportive space I hold for myself internally.
When I can do that, I notice that I feel comfortable in my true expression regardless of how the other person takes it. It actually doesn’t even matter much to me. I can detach to an extent from their response, and yet interestingly, the outcome is more positive simply because I held that safe, loving space for myself. And if it the outcome or response isn’t what I would’ve desired, I still feel peaceful because I was true to myself.
Another key component I noticed is the deeper I drop and the softer into my feminine and vulnerability, the more I gave permission to the man to drop into his masculine and ocean of emotions. I realized men are very sensitive and emotional and I actually encourage him to embody this when I become softer and more vulnerable. I always knew this intellectually, yet to see this play out visibly was a surreal experience. A very beautiful, sublime experience.
I have noticed that I’ve become warmer. More affectionate. More loving towards my family and romantically. I give more hugs, kisses, touches, and cuddles. I’ve become more verbally loving and expressive. I say I love you more easily. I like seeing this side of myself. I’ve become kinder to myself and my body. It takes me back to my childhood because this is who I truly was before I caked on layer after layer of fears and ego-driven protection on my heart and soul.
How to Explore Being More Vulnerable Starting This Moment
I learned that I can tap into this magical, beautiful power of vulnerability anytime I want. This energy is available to me any moment I desire by accepting and embracing my emotions, including my fears with whole hearted love and kindness and gentle care.
That I can explore this by loving and nourishing myself daily so I can hold a safe, healing space and container to communicate my feelings and vulnerabilities to myself without judgment.
When I can do this with myself no matter how uncomfortable or confronting the truth can be sometimes and I want to run away, when I stay put and face myself intimately, both the good and the not so beautiful, I can do this with more ease, flow, grace, and vulnerability to others, whether that is my partner, family, friend, or coworker.
Here are the tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on this pillar:
The Mind (mental intelligence): Affirmations that it is safe and an act of self-love to be vulnerable and express myself freely. I said it aloud to myself in my covers in bed or in front of the mirror.
The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom): Body scans, meditations. I exercised and ran at the treadmill at the gym to unleash this vulnerable energy that was stored in my body. I made a lot of smoothies and drank water to keep myself hydrated. I allowed myself to cry openly in my private space when I desired without judgment. I stared at myself and into my own eyes in the mirror and that made me feel wildly intimate with myself.
The Heart (emotional intelligence): Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned. Writing about my feelings and feeling my feelings completely. Falling in love with my vulnerability.
The Soul (higher self/spirit): Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me. In this week, it was to learn to not become attached to the other person’s response or outcome while expressing myself freely and embodying my feminine vulnerable state. Becoming more comfortable in my own skin so intimately that it was actually loving and deeply freeing to be this vulnerable, affectionate, open, and raw.
How can you explore being vulnerable at this moment? How do you feel embodying and expressing your vulnerabilities? Please share with me in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
Image source: Barefoot Blonde