• Home
  • About Priyanka
  • Work With Me
    • Books
  • Gifts For You
  • Articles
  • Connect

Priyanka Yadvendu

Answers to Joy, Intimacy, Security, Family & Romantic Relationships for 20-Something Women

  • Home
  • About Priyanka
  • Work With Me
    • Books
  • Gifts For You
  • Articles
  • Connect

I am Healing My Fear of Men and Teaching Myself How to Have a Healthy Relationship

November 18, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

In this post, I’ll go into some detail about what happened to me to give me peace and a voice to myself.

Last year, I had an experience that made me terrified of men.  It was with a man I deeply loved and most of this year has been spent on healing from that experience.  I remember being kicked out with such hatred and anger and nonchalance.  It did something to my soul and heart and body and mind.  It broke me.  I fell apart.  In my entire life, I’ve never been treated in such a way.

Feminine Woman Facing Her Past to Find Her Truth

Feminine Woman Facing Her Past to Find Her Truth

Looking back, I do know that he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol.  I remember him making fun of me being Indian and screaming at me to tell my father to come and pick me up.  He told me several hateful things to me.  I remember telling him to be compassionate since I didn’t know where I had parked my car in the night.  He was adamant that I had to leave at that very moment and continued screaming “Get out.”  

He also told me our bond was one-sided with such hatred and apathy and that I should move on.  He showed no regard for my well-being and I remember his blue eyes fiery with rage.  I kept on crying and crying and I believe my body and soul and heart were shocked from what was happening to me.  But the truth is that I didn’t know what was exactly happening to me.

I knew this man for nearly ten years and had met him at work when I was 22 years old.  It was even more unsettling to me that someone I knew and was incredibly charming in all our other encounters was behaving this way to me that night.

It has taken so much time to process this experience with someone I thought I had known.  I became numb from this experience and shut myself down.  It was a survival mechanism that my mind and body did naturally to “survive.”  I have spent so much time exploring this experience in therapy and finally had the courage to mention it to two close friends of mine.

I realize now that this was a toxic relationship and I’ve gone through emotional abuse and although this experience has terrified me and I wasn’t able to properly open up to men, I am also very fortunate because this emotional abuse could have led to physical abuse if I decided to stay any longer.  What is most difficult is accepting that this side exists in this person when you feel you know them well.

I have forgiven him since then and he hasn’t given me any answers or an apology, however I have made peace with this fact.  I now know what I am worthy of and that I’m deserving of being in a loving, healthy relationship.  I have spent a lot of time reading books, doing therapy, working with coaches, and loving myself so I can understand and know what a healthy relationship is and even looks like.

It hasn’t been an easy journey, though one I am very proud of myself for undergoing with resilience, courage, truth, and emotional depth.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Share This Post

Filed Under: Ramblings, Transformation

Dear Beloved, If This World Were Mine, I’d Give You Anything

October 22, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Beloved,

Since I’m not the most expressive woman and I find it difficult to express my emotions.  I feel everything so deeply and intensely and yet I find it hard to express my happiness, sadness, anger, or anxiety.  I wish that I could be like a normal woman who shouts and screams and cries and laughs at the drop of a hat.  But I am not and I am beautiful in my own way and I know you understand who I am as a woman.

Romantic and Soft at Heart

Romantic and Soft at Heart

I am drawn to the fine arts and creativity because it is where I feel so incredibly freeing and therapeutic.  I can be myself and I am deeply connected to God and the Universe.  I feel myself wholly.  Songs and poetry and music and films and books are how I express myself.  And this song expresses how I feel about you:  If this world were mine, I’d give you anything.

Marvin Gaye’s If This World Were Mine (with Tammi Terrell)

If this world were mine, I’d place at your feet
All that I own; you’ve been so good to me
If this world were mine
I’d give you the flowers, the birds and the bees
For with your love inside me, that would be all I need
If this world were mine
I’d give you anything

[T:]
If this world were mine, I’d make you a king
With wealth untold, you could have anything
If this world were mine
I’d give you each day so sunny and blue
If you wanted the moonlight, I’d give you that too
If this world were mine
I’d give you anything

[M:] Oh baby, you’re my consolation
And there’s no hesitation
When you want me, honey, just call me
[T:] And honey, you’re my inspiration
And there’s so much sensation
When I’m in your arms, when you squeeze me

[M:] And the sky would be blue
As long as you’re lovin’ me
[T:] With you here in my arms
Life is so wonderful

[Both:]
Give me pretty lovin’, baby
Give me pretty lovin’, honey
Keep on lovin’ me
You know I need you, baby
Really, really need you, baby
[…and fade]

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Share This Post

Filed Under: Desire, Transformation

I Desire a Man Who Stands Up For Me and Values My Gentleness, Softness, and Emotional Depth

September 14, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what qualities I desire in a man.  I’d like him to be physically and energetically masculine.  I’d like him to take the lead in our relationship and be a strong personality.  Even though he’ll have a strong personality, I’d like him to be expressive and able to be vulnerable and give me the space and time to be myself and understanding of the fact that I may do things and think differently than him.

Feminine Woman living and standing in her truth and honesty

Feminine Woman living and standing in her truth and honesty

I don’t expect him to be perfect and I know there will be flaws and clashes with different personalities.  The MOST IMPORTANT quality is that he values my gentleness, softness, and emotional depth.  Instead of seeing it as a weakness or something to take advantage of.  That he sees these qualities in me as something to cherish and love deeply in me.  Me being an emotional woman is a strength.  Not a weakness for him to prey on.

The past couple months of this year have been spent on forgiving the men I’ve dated who haven’t given me what I wanted and desired deeply.  Perhaps I hadn’t given them what they desired, too.  Initially, I felt so much anger and rage at previous lovers.  I felt deep sadness and anger at myself, too.  I couldn’t understand how I had gotten every part of my life right and together.  Except for my personal romantic life.

This wasn’t true though, of course.  Through all my healing work particularly around my sexuality, I realized the deeply entrenched beliefs I carried in my heart and soul and body.  My mother and grandmother and who knows how many generations in both sides of my family carry the belief of being unworthy of love.  I didn’t realize I carried this in my cells. 

Slowly and slowly, I am realizing that I too deserve to be in love with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and takes care of me and most of all, values my qualities of gentleness and softness in a world that is filled with pretension and manipulation and cruelty.

I am bohemian and old-fashioned at the same time and am so accepting of all kinds of people from all walks of life.  My soft presence brings him a soothing, healing, beautiful, sensual energy.  I desire to be so loved and accepted by him that I’m able to drop my emotional distance and walls.

My deepest desire in my life is for a man to stand up for me.  For someone to hold my hand and tell the world that I belong to him.  I want him to have the courage to be a man in every sense and stand up for me and in return, I will be the most sensual, enchanting, devoted, loyal, loving woman to him forever.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

 

Share This Post

Filed Under: Desire, Ramblings, Romantic Advice, Transformation

Cultivating My Intuition and Sensuality to Create and Launch My First Digital Online Course

September 2, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

I’ve been writing and developing the content for my first digital online course titled: Invite and Receive Romantic Love & Money.  It is based off my first workshop that I held last year.  It was a 5-week workshop held in person at a hotel lounge.  I specifically wanted a luxurious environment for my workshop because this workshop is all about calling in the richness of your desires into your life financially and romantically.

Be Both Soft and Wild

Be Both Soft and Wild

Five women joined the workshop and I held an additional two rounds and I was amazed at the results.  I received messages after the workshop was completed and after several months had passed, on how they were in happy relationships and calling in the financial abundance they desired in their lives.  Most women came to my workshop to transform their romantic love life more than the financial parts, however went with a deep knowledge about how the two are actually intrinsically connected and how nurturing both areas allows both romantic love and financial abundance to blossom.

I went through a sexual awakening this year.  I went through therapy to face my past and clear fears I’ve been holding for some time.  Perhaps I am still going through part of my sexual awakening journey, all I do know is that I feel much better now.  I feel there is a flow in my journey now.  While going through this awakening this year, I focused on creating my digital online by working with a mentor.  Her name is Vienda Maria.  In case you’d like to know and work with her 😉  I highly recommend her private mentoring and online courses 🙂  I wanted to learn from her specifically because I take and love her digital online courses.

One of the reasons I decided to create this digital online course is to reach more women.  As I was going through my sexual awakening and undergoing therapy, I didn’t have the desire or energy to conduct workshops.  Something that I so passionately loved I didn’t have the energy or inclination do.  I realized that it’s normal to go through the peaks and valleys in life and if I had a digital online course created for this workshop at this stage of my life, it would have been easier to support women and at the same time support and nourish myself fully.

I am transforming as I create this course.  I am falling in love with myself.  I am healing myself.  I am using every ounce of my fiery feminine intuition and sensuality.  I am feeling connected to my soul.  I am feeling connected to my spiritual self.  I am learning how to move past my uncomfortable edges and own my sexuality and intuition.

I am learning how to see my own sexuality and intuition as my strengths.  In the male dominated and productive world we live, feminine qualities aren’t as valued.  Through my own experience and journey, I am seeing how my sensuality and intuition are the foundation of my feminine power.  And when I become stronger and more connected in my own sensuality and intuition, my manifesting powers become stronger.  I am able to live the life I desire.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

 

Image source:  Pinterest

Share This Post

Filed Under: Desire, Transformation

I Still Cry A Lot and Am Proud of My Commitment to My Sexuality and Emotional Health

August 20, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

Earlier this year, I was really scared that I was going to getting more and more depressed.  It was a difficult time in my life.  I’d go to work pretending everything was perfect and just go about doing my job.  I carried much repressed emotion in my body.  Emotion stored in my body from the last couple years.  Until I broke down on the phone with my boss.  I didn’t intend to, it just happened.  I remember emotion choking my throat and I could barely speak.

Being Committed to My Sexuality and Emotional Health

Being Committed to My Sexuality and Emotional Health

I felt embarrassed and deeply shamed.  But there was another emotion behind the embarrassment and shame.  I felt free.  I felt liberated.  Freedom pulsed in my body.  My mask had been taken off.  I was hurting inside deeply.  When I look back, I want to hold that child woman tightly and tell her she is a beautiful person inside and outside.  And brave for how much she revealed the true state of herself with her boss.  And brave for requesting leave from her boss even though she felt like she was letting him and the team down.

I remember those weeks clearly.  My boss supported me greatly and told me he didn’t care what anyone thought if I took leave and it was something very touching and meaningful.  I later thought sleeping in the night how much I wanted this quality in my man.  Someone who wouldn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought, only my well-being and happiness.

Through encouragement from my boss and my own resilience and strength, I started to attend some church meetings online and listen to sermons.  I’m not a Christian, however the messages resonated deeply with me and I felt peace in my heart.  I was looking for peace and found some through the sermons.

I had so much anxiety at that time that I’d shake in my home.  It was scary.  I cried all day every day.  I remember lying in bed praying to God and asking Him to make me better.  I had to also stop working with my Sex Coach for a month because it was too much to handle.  I also got a cold that was almost close to being bronchitis.

In about two weeks and my boss constantly checking up on me and sending me Bible verses, I had gotten better.  This may sound like an exaggeration, though it truly felt like a miracle.  I was about to take leave for a month or two from work and suddenly I’ve started to feel happier and lighter.  I continued my therapy and speaking with her my heart out.

I continued to work on my sexuality.  Even now, I have to stop and breathe when I’m working on assignments my Sex Coach gave me or when I’m watching videos on the online digital course Erotic BluePrints by Jaiya.  I cry in the middle of this sexual work so deeply that it scares me.  Things come up from my past.  Other times, I feel I’m not beautiful enough or worry I won’t be a good enough woman for who becomes my partner/Beloved.  Other times, my pleasure feels so erotic and beautiful and joyful.  I just let everything arise and feel it.

I feel that I’ve felt the range of emotions.  I feel like truly a woman in every sense of the world now.  I feel more vulnerable and stronger at the same time.  I’m continuing to work on my sexuality and I’m moving slowly and trusting myself and exploring my edges slowly.  I never realized how much hard work it is to spend time on healing and nourishing yourself emotionally, mentally, and sexually.  And for this, I feel really proud of myself.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

 

Image source:  cushysundays

Share This Post

Filed Under: Ramblings, Self-Esteem, Transformation

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • …
  • 27
  • Next Page »
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Want to Connect to Your Wildly Intimate Woman?

Join The Community and Receive My Intimate Emails

Meet Priyanka

Priyanka Yadvendu makes her home in the San Francisco Bay Area and enjoys running, volunteering, and drinking chocolate martinis. Read More…

Read Articles On:

Search this Site:

Latest from the Blog:

  • Enchanted Silence: Connect with Your Erotic, Sensual Woman and Become in Touch with Your Wildly Deep Feminine Sexuality and Softness
  • Enchanted Silence: Feel Deep Love and Intrigue for Your Own Life and Manifest Romantic Love and Your Beloved into Your Life
  • Enchanted Silence: Become More Comfortable with the Uncomfortable and Take Chances Again
  • Reflections from 2018: A Slow, Intense Transformative Year
  • I Am Finding My Beauty and Sensuality Through the Art of Dancing

Recent Comments:

  • Why You Should Be Connected to Your Work? - Wildly Intimate on Write Down Ideas that Come to You in Moments of Inspiration
  • Ladies, Never Apologize for Your Success - Wildly Intimate on Receive Gifts and Love Graciously With An Open Heart
  • Dropping into Your Heart and Owning Your Desires - Wildly Intimate on 4 Lessons I Learned from The Daring Moment that Forever Changed My Twenties
  • 4 Easy Ways to be Comfortable With Your Sexuality - Wildly Intimate on 6 Ways Guys Play Games in Dating and Relationships
  • The Moment You're Ready to Quit...Miracles Happen - Wildly Intimate on Receive Gifts and Love Graciously With An Open Heart

Want to Connect to Your Wildly Intimate Woman?

Join The Community and Receive My Intimate Emails

Copyright ©2014 Priyanka Yadvendu · All Rights Reserved · Site Design by The CreativeB · Login