Towards the end of the year, I always plan out my upcoming year. I’m like Monica from Friends who loves making lists and ticking items off. It gives me immense pleasure. I’m a dork like that. But I noticed a different energy arising as I tried to do the same for next year.
One of the Items on My List was Working with a Business Coach.
I wasn’t feeling inspired nor enthusiastic. Usually, I do this with much energy and zeal. But this time, it felt out of alignment. It felt out of flow. I had no idea why initially. This change in my feelings had been bugging me for the last two weeks.
I have been focusing on my work and family commitments a lot recently, so I thought that could be part of the reason, but still this niggled at me. I couldn’t completely fathom why. I was also working on submitting a deeply personal essay to the Modern Love column in the New York Times around this time, too.
I had written the whole essay and went to Starbucks over and over to perfect it. As I edited this essay, I felt resistance.
I would keep taking breaks and just couldn’t write with feeling. I felt frustrated and even annoyed. Why couldn’t I write this essay and create my plan for 2016? Why couldn’t I just get done with it?
I took a deep breath and went to the gym. I ran on the treadmill, letting every stride work my body and letting the resistance wash away. My body stretched and worked itself during the run. I felt better. I felt invigorated. I came home and fell into a deep nap.
When I woke up, my body had softened. I felt softer and more open. I realized why I had been feeling resistant towards creating my plan for 2016 and submitting this essay.
I was pushing and striving too hard. What if I just relaxed and let go of my plan? Why did I have to do these things before 2015 ended? Why was I placing too much pressure on myself to do this?
I was trying to control the process and outcome because it made me feel in control. I liked being in control. It made me feel safe and secure. It made me feel like everything was in order. I thought back to every year I had created my list. Yes, many items had been completed, but every year had taken on its own flow and energy.
No matter how much I had tried to control the external events and circumstances, my life took on the twists and turns it needed to, without my permission.
So Then I Made a Bold Decision.
I was not going to make this list. I was not going to work with a business coach like I had initially planned in 2016. I was going to scrap this Modern Love essay. I was just going to surrender to the present moment, take a deep breath, and let my life unfold moment by moment instead. I was going to live in the unknown and let my energy guide 2016.
I wanted to work with a business coach because I was passionate about my writing and creativity and wanted to use the expertise and knowledge of a business coach to guide me as I created an online business and platform to share my work.
But it felt like I was pushing and controlling too much. I could feel myself creating expectations for myself already. I had to meet specific numbers and metrics. This is not why I want to work with a business coach.
I want to work with a business coach because I want to share my soul’s message and guidance to others through creative and spirit-driven work. I want to create a heart-driven platform to live out my purpose and share my innate gifts with the world. Why? Because this is my soul’s desire and I must honor it.
I wanted to walk my talk, so I decided to put my plans of working with a business coach on hold. I would love to work with one someday. This is going to be one of the most amazing investments I will make for myself both, business wise and personal.
But right now, I can feel with every ounce of my being that focusing on my personal growth and life is more important at the moment. I am going to create powerful pieces of my writing and share with you. I am going to smell the flowers and allow myself to enjoy the simple things in life. I am going to immerse myself in my stillness and let myself transform through my own spiritual purity. I am going to live in the unknown from a space of love and see how my 2016 unfolds moment by moment.
So in order to let my life unfold moment by moment and drop the need to have a plan to be in supposed control, I decided I am going to follow three specific practices day by day. Some days, I will succeed beautifully. Other days, I may not even follow one practice. But that is not the point.
The point is to start out each day with the divine intention to live guided by my energy and intuitive whispers and let the day end with me living honestly, not measuring any external outcome or metric, but by how much inner peace I feel.
Fall in Love with the Present Moment
Instead of worrying about what I should or could be doing, I am going to enjoy the present moment to the fullest. When I am at work completing a task I wouldn’t find much joy in, I am going to find the beauty in it and be intensely aware as I do my work.
When I am not in the mood and feeling melancholic, I am going to allow myself to feel the emotions strongly. I am going to be in the moment even then. When I am with a man, I am going to revel in his attention and passion and provide him with the gift of me being present completely with him in that precious moment. When I am writing, I am going to write with feeling.
Because as Eckhart Tolle has wisely said, there is no past or future. All I have in front of me is this moment and that is my life at that time.
Revel in Living in the Unknown
I like to have a plan to be control and dictate the unfoldings of my life. But when have I ever been in control even when I did have a “plan?” If anything, I linked my self-worth to external people and events. I did this because I was scared of not knowing what was going to happen. It terrified me.
But why does living in the unknown have to be scary? Why can’t it be exciting, adventurous, and beautiful? So I am going to accept that my fears will crop up from time to time while living in the unknown, but I am going to allow myself to revel in living in the unknown.
I am going to see what gifts and miracles life wants to give me and receive them with arms wide open. I am going to take nuggets of wisdom and lessons from every experience, no matter if it isn’t what I would have chosen for myself. Why? Because life knows better than me and I am going to embrace the experience wholeheartedly. It is meant for my transformation.
Place the Search for Abundance Inward Instead of Outside
Lastly, it is scary to live in the unknown because we base our self-worth on the attainment of certain desires and events. When true abundance resides in your heart and soul, you won’t feel the need to be validated by an external person or event.
I will practice this search for abundance inside by meditating, taking walks, journaling, writing, carving out time in my schedule to do things I enjoy and feel peaceful, and honoring my desires no matter how simple. I will feel gratitude for every single person and experience in my life. I want to find a deep sense of serenity inward and enjoy material things and relationships coming from a space of love, lightness, and play, instead of need and attachment.
Have you dropped a plan in your life that made you feel out of control, but it felt right? How did it make you feel when you started living grounded in the present, letting your inner guidance lead your actions and being? Please share with me in the comments!
Image source: The EveryGirl