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Priyanka Yadvendu

Answers to Joy, Intimacy, Security, Family & Romantic Relationships for 20-Something Women

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Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 4. Communication

December 4, 2016 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

I decided to spend another week on Pillar 4 which was Communication.  My inner guidance told me I needed to spend more time diving into this subject.  I could see why. 

Communication is the cornerstone of wild intimacy with yourself and a partner.

Communication is the cornerstone of wild intimacy with yourself and a partner.

I’ve struggled with communication throughout my life.  This holds true on how to communicate with my family, friends, and especially men.  Yet the truth is that I didn’t even know how to communicate with myself.  I didn’t have a way to clearly articulate to myself my own needs and desires.

In the past weeks, how I communicated with my partner, family, friends, coworkers, and especially with myself came up.

I noticed how I became passive aggressive when I didn’t get “my way.”  Or when I wanted to “please,” I simply shut down and silently convinced myself that what I had to say and communicate wasn’t that important to the other person.  What I really was doing was putting my own needs and desires second.

As I realized my patterns in communicating and inner self-talk and mind chatter, I did a meditation that allowed me to drop deeper into my body.  To become more in touch with my mystical intuition.  I let my body relax and let the mind chatter drop into the water of my mind.  The chatter and thoughts were there, I was just not allowing them to disrupt my coming home into my body.

If there’s anything the four weeks have taught me, it’s this: My body has all the answers.  If I’m willing to listen, my body will communicate them to me.  And all I have to do is be open and receive the answers gently.  

In my meditation with my eyes closed, I saw an old scene play out from my previous relationship.  It was a familiar scene.  However, it was an intense interaction, one of the most intense and poignant at the time.  I found tears falling from my eyes and my chest raked with emotion.

I saw myself trying to communicate my love and my feelings earnestly, but I wasn’t able to communicate them.  I seemed unsure and vulnerable and nervous and most of all, filled with fear and doubt.  Fear and doubt about myself and what I wanted and needed at the time.

I had to open my eyes then because it came too real.  I took a deep breathe.  Then, I closed my eyes again and imagined myself somewhere beautiful and joyful.  I was on a luscious beach with the waves falling up and down gracefully.

I looked radiant.  My face glowed and my eyes sparkled.  My lips were shiny and I was in the company of an handsome blue eyed man.  We were both laughing and smiling.  There was ease and a quiet confidence in my body language.  I was telling him how I felt and communicating my needs and desires and how we can work towards a beautiful, fulfilling partnership with each other.

More importantly, I saw myself speaking my truth in a raw, honest, and vulnerable way.  There was strength in that vulnerability.  There was emotional depth in my directness of my expression.  It didn’t matter to me how my words and body language were being received by him.

It was more about communicating in a way that served my highest good and ultimately the interaction and collaboration we were having.  In a respectful and considerate way.

I got up from my meditation and then these words flowed from my soul onto my journal:

Marriage is a sacred partnership and union where two WHOLE people come together and uplift each other.

As marriage is a topic in my life right now, my guidance was surrounding this.  I realized in a deep way in my body that communication is extremely important in full expression between two individuals in a relationship.  It is what will have your relationship to beautifully flourish and you’ll be able to weather the storms and put across your needs in a clear, direct, and wildly intimate way.  And this is true for any kind of relationship or partnership, whether personal or professional.

Another clear realization came upon me like a wave of refreshing ocean water: The better I get at communicating with myself, the better I’ll communicate with everyone else 😉

By speaking my truth and giving myself permission, I’ll stand in my vulnerability and make conscious choices.  Ultimately, I’ll own my experience.

Immediately, I set upon a having a honest conversation with my mother about my personal life.  We didn’t always agree with each other, though what I did notice was the crystal clear way I expressed myself in a honest, respectful and in my own subtly direct way.  Instead of being defensive, I gave my mother space to communicate to me, too.  I found that our conversation and communication deepened our relationship.

I also sat and had a conversation with my partner where I bared my heart.  I was afraid of how I would be perceived earlier, yet most of the fear evaporated when I actually did it because this was about speaking my truth and being true to myself and ultimately this would serve both me and him.

I spoke about what I wanted and didn’t want and invited him to share his opinion and needs and desires with me.  I felt really proud and happy with myself afterwards.  I felt a growing intimacy and closeness between us and our partnership.

I asked myself these questions and journaled my experience during the meditation:

How do you currently communicate with yourself? (Be honest and transparent) Sit down and close your eyes.  Imagine yourself somewhere beautiful and joyful.  What are you doing?  Who is there?  How are you communicating?  How would you like to communicate? 

I felt that I was finally becoming more wildly intimate with myself.

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on pillar 4 Communication:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing my thoughts and mind chatter surrounding my desires and needs and largely around communication.  I also observed how I communicated and spoke to myself and my partner and family.  I noticed the difference between how I communicated and how I actually felt deep inside.  I practiced communicating for simple and seemingly little things, like asking for a glass of milk or my preference to watch a particular movie or show and how I felt in the moment, like if I was happy or nervous or not in a good mood.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  The meditation I did where I imagined and visualized how I communicate currently.  Then, imagining myself somewhere beautiful and joyful and visualizing and feeling deeply how I want and desire to communicate.  Allowing my body wisdom to speak with me in its clear, neutral, direct, and wildly intimate way.

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned.  Writing about my feelings and experience during the meditation.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  In this week, it was to speak with my truth always.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

Image source: I Heart Wedding Dress

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Filed Under: Communication, Ramblings, Transformation

7 Beautiful Nuggets of Wisdom I Gained during My Mexico Vacation!

July 8, 2015 by Priyanka 2 Comments

I just came from a trip to Mexico. It was a much needed break and I was happy to get away for 2 weeks. An intention I had set for myself this year was to travel to a foreign country. It was amazing how this trip fell into place perfectly!

It happened 2 weeks before I left for Mexico. One of my close friends informed me that a girl wasn’t able to go through with this vacation/volunteer program to Mexico. She encouraged me to submit my application and though I wasn’t sure if I would be accepted, I thought why not give it a chance?

Nuggets of Wisdom I Gained while Traveling

Nuggets of Wisdom I Gained while Traveling

Long Story Short: I was Accepted into the Program!

My close friend and I had been planning to travel for years and this Mexico trip was going to be the one the Universe had decided! I booked my airfare and packed my luggage to head to Mexico.

I am feeling refreshed and recharged and I want to share the nuggets of wisdom I gained from this trip:

Listen to Your Discomfort

I went with a group of four other individuals to Mexico, each chosen from a different country. We traveled, dined, and partied together. In a span of 2 weeks, we visited 6 Mexican cities.

I was definitely thrown off balance at times. The heat, hunger, or simply moving at such a fast pace took its toll on me. I felt tired faster. Also, traveling with complete strangers except for my close friend was exciting but nerve wracking. I felt my belly and chest burn with nervousness and fear.

Going on a vacation has a strong positive connotation and rightly so. But the truth is traveling brings up uncomfortable emotions as well. Remember these uncomfortable emotions are messages for you. It is up to you to listen to them and feel them thoroughly.

I literally talked myself through this uncomfortable emotions and moments. I even let the tears fall sometimes. I didn’t judge myself for feeling this way. Traveling is fun, but for a shy and introverted person like me, it was also difficult to deal with a foreign environment and constantly be surrounded by people.

Get in Touch with Your Body

The schedule was jam-packed with fun activities. I woke up around seven each morning, had a light breakfast, and then headed off to a whirlwind day filled with sightseeing, touring, dining, and partying. It was super fun! I visited museums, art exhibitions, sports arenas, wineries, pool parties, the list is endless. I dined at restaurants and had delicious meals. (My mouth still waters at the memories of the food….)

I am truly grateful for the Mexican people and their generosity in taking us to all these places. They took every tiny need of ours into consideration and made us feel as comfortable as possible.

However, with such a busy schedule and being with groups of people about 18 hours a day, I had little time for myself. I found myself dragging my body throughout the day to the different activities planned.

I realized it was because I needed to be in touch with my body. I needed alone time to relish in my inner presence, so I could be more present throughout the day. Luckily, I had taken my computer, so I incorporated a simple morning routine before I left my host family’s home for the day. I did simple meditations to calm myself and clear my mind.

Remember when you are traveling that your morning routine does not need to be elaborate. Keep it simple since you’re on vacation. Close your eyes and do a body scan. Don’t rush this process and pay close attention to how each part of your body feels – hips, arms, hands, legs, thighs, face, neck, feet, stomach, etc.

Ask yourself how you’re feeling and show love to each part. This will allow you to fall into a deeper connection with yourself and you will feel more supported as you go through your days while traveling.

Be Direct and Kind in Your Expression

Boy, this trip activated all sorts of triggers in me! I realized I don’t function to my optimal if I don’t take the time to drop into a deep inner space before surrounding myself with people. I become cranky and irritated more easily.

Indeed this happened during the trip. I found my inner balance knocked over several times. This also speaks of everyone else in the group, too. Traveling together means we spent most of our time together. We became close and a deep level of intimacy was established. This is one of the beauties of traveling with strangers. Somewhere in the trip, deep friendships and bonds were formed.

However, it also meant we saw all the sides of each other. Kind of like living together with your partner or spouse! You see everything! Not just the good stuff!

I learned that when my needs or desires weren’t being met, I became more withdrawn. I became passive-aggressive. I found myself festering with anger or worry at times. I experienced this even with my close friend and truthfully, it troubled me. I didn’t want to feel this way towards anyone and not especially towards my close friend.

I learned that I needed to be more direct in my expression. I learned to speak openly and freely, but with immense kindness when something bugged me. I didn’t need to be indirect or passive aggressive. I’m not perfect in any way and I’m sure my quirks must have gotten over the others’ heads, too and I learned to own up to my flaws as well.

Take the Time to Slow Down

There is a mystical and fantasy quality to traveling. I literally felt like I was in a fantasy world at times. The days moved by so quickly. Before I could fathom, I was in a new city, adjusting to a new environment and group of people.

It is important to especially take the time to slow down during a vacation. Think about this for a moment. Though I believe that your normal life must be filled with lots of space and freedom, too, the truth is you go on a vacation to relax and slow down.

And sometimes traveling ends up being more chaotic and exhausting. Then, what is the point of vacationing? Make sure you take the time to slow down. It could mean doing a meditative body scan in your hotel room or enjoying a cup of tea at a cafe while gazing at the lush scenery outside.

Strike a Balance

I remember going to restaurants or sightseeing when I wanted nothing more than to revel in my solitude. I didn’t want to open my mouth and talk to anyone. It wasn’t that my company wasn’t enjoyable. My company was perfect and always gracious.

It is just that as a person I enjoy my space as much as socializing. Even at home with my family, I go to my room to enjoy time with myself.

Strike a beautiful balance on your travels. Allocate large chunks of time where you spend it in solitude reading a book or sipping on a glass of wine. This way, when you do spend time with your family, friends, and strangers on vacation, you will be more present.

Nourish Yourself with Good Food and Rest

I didn’t get enough sleep in Mexico. There were nights spent partying, drinking, and swimming merrily. I didn’t get the opportunity to sleep in the next day due to the jam packed schedule. For my next vacation, I would incorporate the time to sleep in more.

From a food perspective, I ate tacos, enchiladas, ravishing desserts, and seafood delicacies. I didn’t have any boundaries when it came to food being the foodie that I am! At one of the houses I stayed at, the host family whipped up fabulous healthy green smoothies! It was a welcome change from the other rich food I was consuming.

Keep yourself nourished by eating full, healthy meals, sleeping eight hours every night, drinking lots of water, enjoying fresh air, etc. You will feel more supported and physically vibrant. This will cause you to naturally feel calmer and peaceful.

Let Go, Party, and Enjoy!

Finally, immerse yourself in the culture or country you find yourself traveling in. Talk to the locals and observe the city, roads, shops, and inhabitants. You will find that ultimately they are no different from you.

I had lots of conversations in Mexico and learned some useful expressions of Spanish. I connected deeply with many and friendships were formed. I danced, swam, and let myself go at pool parties or other events. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I laughed with tears in my eyes.

There is a beauty to immersing yourself in an unfamiliar culture. Have insightful conversations. Make jokes. Laugh. Dance. Party. Eat. Drink. Let go! Have the time of your life!

How do you feel when you vacation? Do you feel discomfort at times? Do you feel nourished during your travels? Please share with me in the comments!

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Filed Under: Communication, Life Balance

Chicken Soup for the Soul Friday – “Hi there, Nice Pants!”

April 12, 2015 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

“Lately, a  fashion trend has emerged to wear different colored pants instead of just the standard blue. Now girls wear, pink, red, gray, yellow, green, and many other colors. 

Compliment Someone and Make Their Day!

Compliment Someone and Make Their Day!

I bought myself a shiny blue pant that I loved and also because blue is my favorite color. I wore these pants to work one day.

Everyone from my co-worker to the coffee barista to the random guy on the street complimented my pants. I can’t tell you how good it made me feel inside. No matter how old we are, everyone loves a compliment!” – Priyanka

What are your thoughts on this post? Please share with me in the comments!

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Filed Under: Communication, News

5 Ways for a 20-Something to Network Successfully

March 31, 2015 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Networking sometimes has a icky feel to it. Maybe it’s just too uncomfortable and awkward to engage in it.

Networking Successfully in Your Twenties

Networking Successfully in Your Twenties

But I firmly believe knowing how to network can make a huge difference to your career and life. Often, the people you know and develop relationships with are the key to the projects you take on.

It’s how you grow and open your eyes. Being a 20-something myself, I want to share some easy ways that might help you to pull yourself out of the comfort zone.

Be Genuine

When you’re at events geared toward networking, be yourself. Be sincere. This doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable experience.

Do what you feel comfortable with. Just like you wouldn’t want anyone to bombard questions or sound one dimensional, you want to make sure you come across to others exactly the way you would want to be approached yourself.

Networking is mostly about conversing and finding a natural flow of energy back and forth between you and the person. When you two click, chances are it will open the door to building a relationship. And this is what can lead to opportunities.

Engage on Social Media

If the idea of mingling in person scares you, then you can try another approach. You can find people on Twitter, Facebook, and even Instagram and send them a friendly note or like or comment on their updates.

Ask Friends/Contacts to Introduce You to People

You can always talk to your friends and contacts in the business you are looking to grow in and ask them to refer or introduce you to people.

Usually, having someone else who knows the person you would like to grow a relationship with helps to ease you and creates a more natural, easygoing interaction.

Join Meet Ups

Interestingly, I have met several wonderful people at Meet Ups. While I was writing my novel Enchanted Silence, I joined Meet Up groups where I met fellow writers.

Last year, I had joined a marketing Meet Up and met interesting people who I became friends with and built relationships with. We worked with each other on guest blogging and driving more traffic to our websites. It was a win-win for everyone involved!

Socialize

Sometimes, the best way you can connect with people is when you go out to a bar or restaurant or some party/get together to hang out and relax together.

It’s more fun and easier to learn more about one another in casual, comfortable environments!

What are your thoughts on this post? Please share with me in the comments.

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Filed Under: Business, Communication, Ramblings

Why It is Important to Be Fully Present During Conversations

March 15, 2015 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

In the midst of much change in my life, I find myself hopping between the past and future a lot. I’ll think about something in the past and then my mind will fast forward into the future.

Be Present and Engaged in Conversations

Be Present and Engaged in Conversations

I remember meeting up with some friends last week and talking to my colleague at work. At all these occasions, I found myself not paying attention to what they were saying.

Stay In the Present

Become aware of your thoughts. When you become self-aware, you will realize when you start diving into the past or future tripping.

You can stop yourself from doing this and instead learn to stay in the present.

Give Your Full Attention to People

Staying in the present during conversations means giving your full focus and energy to the person in front of you. How many times were you with a friend when your mind floated elsewhere? Or maybe someone did that to you?

It definitely is not fair to you or the person in front of you when you’re not fully present. By giving your full attention, you are showing your love and respect towards that person by listening.

Find Appreciation and Beauty in the NOW

When you are fully in the moment, you can laugh, cry, and feel deeply. You can enjoy the beautiful conversation and notice things you wouldn’t have noticed before. You can appreciate these things and find beauty in them.

Related: Let’s Be Real and Embrace All the Dark and Messy Parts of Yourself

What is your biggest takeaway from this post? Please share with me in the comments.

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Filed Under: Communication

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Priyanka Yadvendu makes her home in the San Francisco Bay Area and enjoys running, volunteering, and drinking chocolate martinis. Read More…

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