I decided to spend another week on Pillar 4 which was Communication. My inner guidance told me I needed to spend more time diving into this subject. I could see why.
I’ve struggled with communication throughout my life. This holds true on how to communicate with my family, friends, and especially men. Yet the truth is that I didn’t even know how to communicate with myself. I didn’t have a way to clearly articulate to myself my own needs and desires.
In the past weeks, how I communicated with my partner, family, friends, coworkers, and especially with myself came up.
I noticed how I became passive aggressive when I didn’t get “my way.” Or when I wanted to “please,” I simply shut down and silently convinced myself that what I had to say and communicate wasn’t that important to the other person. What I really was doing was putting my own needs and desires second.
As I realized my patterns in communicating and inner self-talk and mind chatter, I did a meditation that allowed me to drop deeper into my body. To become more in touch with my mystical intuition. I let my body relax and let the mind chatter drop into the water of my mind. The chatter and thoughts were there, I was just not allowing them to disrupt my coming home into my body.
If there’s anything the four weeks have taught me, it’s this: My body has all the answers. If I’m willing to listen, my body will communicate them to me. And all I have to do is be open and receive the answers gently.
In my meditation with my eyes closed, I saw an old scene play out from my previous relationship. It was a familiar scene. However, it was an intense interaction, one of the most intense and poignant at the time. I found tears falling from my eyes and my chest raked with emotion.
I saw myself trying to communicate my love and my feelings earnestly, but I wasn’t able to communicate them. I seemed unsure and vulnerable and nervous and most of all, filled with fear and doubt. Fear and doubt about myself and what I wanted and needed at the time.
I had to open my eyes then because it came too real. I took a deep breathe. Then, I closed my eyes again and imagined myself somewhere beautiful and joyful. I was on a luscious beach with the waves falling up and down gracefully.
I looked radiant. My face glowed and my eyes sparkled. My lips were shiny and I was in the company of an handsome blue eyed man. We were both laughing and smiling. There was ease and a quiet confidence in my body language. I was telling him how I felt and communicating my needs and desires and how we can work towards a beautiful, fulfilling partnership with each other.
More importantly, I saw myself speaking my truth in a raw, honest, and vulnerable way. There was strength in that vulnerability. There was emotional depth in my directness of my expression. It didn’t matter to me how my words and body language were being received by him.
It was more about communicating in a way that served my highest good and ultimately the interaction and collaboration we were having. In a respectful and considerate way.
I got up from my meditation and then these words flowed from my soul onto my journal:
Marriage is a sacred partnership and union where two WHOLE people come together and uplift each other.
As marriage is a topic in my life right now, my guidance was surrounding this. I realized in a deep way in my body that communication is extremely important in full expression between two individuals in a relationship. It is what will have your relationship to beautifully flourish and you’ll be able to weather the storms and put across your needs in a clear, direct, and wildly intimate way. And this is true for any kind of relationship or partnership, whether personal or professional.
Another clear realization came upon me like a wave of refreshing ocean water: The better I get at communicating with myself, the better I’ll communicate with everyone else 😉
By speaking my truth and giving myself permission, I’ll stand in my vulnerability and make conscious choices. Ultimately, I’ll own my experience.
Immediately, I set upon a having a honest conversation with my mother about my personal life. We didn’t always agree with each other, though what I did notice was the crystal clear way I expressed myself in a honest, respectful and in my own subtly direct way. Instead of being defensive, I gave my mother space to communicate to me, too. I found that our conversation and communication deepened our relationship.
I also sat and had a conversation with my partner where I bared my heart. I was afraid of how I would be perceived earlier, yet most of the fear evaporated when I actually did it because this was about speaking my truth and being true to myself and ultimately this would serve both me and him.
I spoke about what I wanted and didn’t want and invited him to share his opinion and needs and desires with me. I felt really proud and happy with myself afterwards. I felt a growing intimacy and closeness between us and our partnership.
I asked myself these questions and journaled my experience during the meditation:
How do you currently communicate with yourself? (Be honest and transparent) Sit down and close your eyes. Imagine yourself somewhere beautiful and joyful. What are you doing? Who is there? How are you communicating? How would you like to communicate?
I felt that I was finally becoming more wildly intimate with myself.
The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on pillar 4 Communication:
The Mind (mental intelligence): Observing my thoughts and mind chatter surrounding my desires and needs and largely around communication. I also observed how I communicated and spoke to myself and my partner and family. I noticed the difference between how I communicated and how I actually felt deep inside. I practiced communicating for simple and seemingly little things, like asking for a glass of milk or my preference to watch a particular movie or show and how I felt in the moment, like if I was happy or nervous or not in a good mood.
The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom): The meditation I did where I imagined and visualized how I communicate currently. Then, imagining myself somewhere beautiful and joyful and visualizing and feeling deeply how I want and desire to communicate. Allowing my body wisdom to speak with me in its clear, neutral, direct, and wildly intimate way.
The Heart (emotional intelligence): Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned. Writing about my feelings and experience during the meditation.
The Soul (higher self/spirit): Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me. In this week, it was to speak with my truth always.
Lots of Love,
Image source: I Heart Wedding Dress