This is easily one of my favorite pillars. I’ve worked on my sexuality a lot last year because I now
understand the connection between sexuality with emotional health and financial flow. It’s part of who I am as a woman and self-expression of my divine feminine energy. I must confess despite having this realization, I’ve faced resistance on working on this pillar.
Connecting to my erotic woman meant that I had to be seen. It meant the vulnerability of visibility. And I cried about this. I spent about two weeks to delve deeper on my erotic woman. On my sexuality.
Focus On the Journey, Not the Destination in Pleasure
I took it upon me to practice self-pleasure in these two weeks. To not only relieve myself of stress, but to love my body deeply through this practice.
During self-pleasure, I usually focused on my orgasm. The end result. What I have discovered is exploring my body and what pleasures my body most. The process and journey is more fulfilling. I feel softer and more vulnerable, yet deeply bold, naughty, and sexier.
I felt fulfilled in my self-pleasure practice when I changed my approach. It felt natural and organic and I actually didn’t think much about how my body looked or felt conscious. I felt whole and embraced by me.
There are two things I noticed specifically:
1. A daily self-pleasure practice routine is important to my womanhood, radiance, and inner light.
2. Be whole and fulfilled and see my man/partner as whole and fulfilled as well in daily and private life together.
Connecting to My Erotic Woman
I lay on my sofa, closed my eyes, and listened to a sensual track to meditate and visualize my Erotic Woman. After doing a meditation of my erotic woman, she is the woman who has long, luscious curly hair. She is the woman who relishes in both her softness and boldness. She is fierce and yet deeply emotional and sensitive.
Here is the track I listened to in order to let my Erotic Woman come to me:
She wore stockings, garter belt, panties, and a sexy top. All black. At one point, my hair was delicately tied up in a bun. Another time, it was falling loosely on my shoulders. My ears were adorned with sparkly diamond gold-ish earrings.
My coffee brown complexion and glossy pink lips glowed. My kohl lined eyes sparkled with love, purity, and sensuality. I felt happy and sexy and yet nervous. I felt fragile like porcelain glass and exquisitely beautiful. The energy in my heart and body flowed naturally and openly. I walked towards the bed and stood there.
I saw a man waiting for me there. A familiar face. I allowed him to see me. To receive my energy. I accepted and embraced the vulnerability of being visible. And received his energy.
She was this Queen and Diva. And then I opened my eyes in shock because that woman is me. I’ve never given myself permission to be her. In my daily life, personal relationships, and romance, I’ve never been or saw myself as the Queen and Diva. Some tears fell. I asked myself: How would others and my partner/Beloved see me as a Queen if I don’t see myself as one?
I’ve always had the princess vibe where I exude immense softness and innocence. I come across innocent and playful even though I’m thirty now. It’s something men find attractive about me I’ve noticed consistently.
But now I want to tap into my queen-like regal sexuality and sensual energy. I want to express my sovereignty and boundaries and play with my wild naughty, dangerous energy. Lean out of my good girl image and take sovereignty.
I wrapped up this meditation/visualization exercise by dressing up like my Erotic Woman in my vision. I drove all the way to Palo Alto to buy a garter belt and came home to make myself pasta and drank white wine. Afterwards, I dressed up in all black lingerie with my new garter belt included and wore diamond earrings. Sprayed perfume on myself. Applied smoky sexy makeup on my face.
I turned off all the lights and lit candles everywhere. I walked and moved my body like the Queen I was. I danced. I cried a lot to be honest. I’ve never felt this way all my life in regards to my sexuality.
If you’re interested, here is the track I moved my body to that exuded my Diva energy:
I also took two photos of myself. One where I found myself looking gorgeous and another where I found many flaws in my body and self. I wrote letters to me in both photos and practiced loving all of me, including my flaws.
Here are the questions I journaled to in this pillar:
DO: What would I love to explore, but I’m so scared of? Journal about this. What is your vision of your erotic woman? What are the actions in your vision of your erotic woman? What is she doing and wearing? How is she feeling? Embody and activate your Wildly Intimate Erotic Woman.
Take a photo of yourself, preferably one where you look beautiful and one that you don’t feel you look so pretty. Write a love letter/note to yourself in both photos if you can. This is about loving yourself deeply at your best and even not at your best.
Embodying and Activating My Inner Queen and Diva
A major learning I gained from this experience was that embodying and activating my Wildly Intimate Erotic Woman meant connecting to my soul and letting all my emotional strength, vulnerability, confidence, and sensuality flow out of me like water. To be her every moment and exude her in my eyes and body language. To even dress like her. To exude my Erotic Woman’s energy moment to moment in my daily life.
I felt so whole and at peace with my body. I’ve generally not felt comfortable during romantic moments with my partner sometimes because I didn’t fully love my body. I realized that my body and sexuality is not just a gift for him, but for me, too.
In learning more about myself and exploring my sexuality with myself or my partner, I had to allow myself to be seen and vulnerable. And even more importantly, I learned that I must lean into him for his love and guidance and allow him to support me in my sexuality.
The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 9 Erotic Woman:
The Mind (mental intelligence): Observing how my mind played out all sorts of thoughts and beliefs about my sexuality. Feeling resistance and actually noticing every thought with striking clarity and making a conscious decision to replace it with a thought that affirms my new belief of being a Queen and loving myself and my sexuality.
The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom): Meditating to the musical tracks to visualize and let my Erotic Woman come to me. I danced and moved my body also and dressed up in the black lingerie and garter belt just like my Queen-like Erotic Woman in my vision.
The Heart (emotional intelligence): Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned. Feeling all the emotions fully that I felt arise in this pillar – happiness, joy, sadness, fear, nervousness.
The Soul (higher self/spirit): Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me. This week, I learned that I am a Queen and Diva and it is my duty and soul’s deepest desire to be one and treat myself in this way. This will reflect in my external world and my relationship with my partner/Beloved.
Lots of Love,
Image source: intimately-sexy.tumblr.com
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