• Home
  • About Priyanka
  • Work With Me
    • Books
  • Gifts For You
  • Articles
  • Connect

Priyanka Yadvendu

Answers to Joy, Intimacy, Security, Family & Romantic Relationships for 20-Something Women

  • Home
  • About Priyanka
  • Work With Me
    • Books
  • Gifts For You
  • Articles
  • Connect

I am Healing My Fear of Men and Teaching Myself How to Have a Healthy Relationship

November 18, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

In this post, I’ll go into some detail about what happened to me to give me peace and a voice to myself.

Last year, I had an experience that made me terrified of men.  It was with a man I deeply loved and most of this year has been spent on healing from that experience.  I remember being kicked out with such hatred and anger and nonchalance.  It did something to my soul and heart and body and mind.  It broke me.  I fell apart.  In my entire life, I’ve never been treated in such a way.

Feminine Woman Facing Her Past to Find Her Truth

Feminine Woman Facing Her Past to Find Her Truth

Looking back, I do know that he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol.  I remember him making fun of me being Indian and screaming at me to tell my father to come and pick me up.  He told me several hateful things to me.  I remember telling him to be compassionate since I didn’t know where I had parked my car in the night.  He was adamant that I had to leave at that very moment and continued screaming “Get out.”  

He also told me our bond was one-sided with such hatred and apathy and that I should move on.  He showed no regard for my well-being and I remember his blue eyes fiery with rage.  I kept on crying and crying and I believe my body and soul and heart were shocked from what was happening to me.  But the truth is that I didn’t know what was exactly happening to me.

I knew this man for nearly ten years and had met him at work when I was 22 years old.  It was even more unsettling to me that someone I knew and was incredibly charming in all our other encounters was behaving this way to me that night.

It has taken so much time to process this experience with someone I thought I had known.  I became numb from this experience and shut myself down.  It was a survival mechanism that my mind and body did naturally to “survive.”  I have spent so much time exploring this experience in therapy and finally had the courage to mention it to two close friends of mine.

I realize now that this was a toxic relationship and I’ve gone through emotional abuse and although this experience has terrified me and I wasn’t able to properly open up to men, I am also very fortunate because this emotional abuse could have led to physical abuse if I decided to stay any longer.  What is most difficult is accepting that this side exists in this person when you feel you know them well.

I have forgiven him since then and he hasn’t given me any answers or an apology, however I have made peace with this fact.  I now know what I am worthy of and that I’m deserving of being in a loving, healthy relationship.  I have spent a lot of time reading books, doing therapy, working with coaches, and loving myself so I can understand and know what a healthy relationship is and even looks like.

It hasn’t been an easy journey, though one I am very proud of myself for undergoing with resilience, courage, truth, and emotional depth.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Share This Post
With Love, Priyanka

Filed Under: Ramblings, Transformation

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Want to Connect to Your Wildly Intimate Woman?

Join The Community and Receive My Intimate Emails

Meet Priyanka

Priyanka Yadvendu makes her home in the San Francisco Bay Area and enjoys running, volunteering, and drinking chocolate martinis. Read More…

Read Articles On:

Search this Site:

Latest from the Blog:

  • Enchanted Silence: Connect with Your Erotic, Sensual Woman and Become in Touch with Your Wildly Deep Feminine Sexuality and Softness
  • Enchanted Silence: Feel Deep Love and Intrigue for Your Own Life and Manifest Romantic Love and Your Beloved into Your Life
  • Enchanted Silence: Become More Comfortable with the Uncomfortable and Take Chances Again
  • Reflections from 2018: A Slow, Intense Transformative Year
  • I Am Finding My Beauty and Sensuality Through the Art of Dancing

Recent Comments:

  • Why You Should Be Connected to Your Work? - Wildly Intimate on Write Down Ideas that Come to You in Moments of Inspiration
  • Ladies, Never Apologize for Your Success - Wildly Intimate on Receive Gifts and Love Graciously With An Open Heart
  • Dropping into Your Heart and Owning Your Desires - Wildly Intimate on 4 Lessons I Learned from The Daring Moment that Forever Changed My Twenties
  • 4 Easy Ways to be Comfortable With Your Sexuality - Wildly Intimate on 6 Ways Guys Play Games in Dating and Relationships
  • The Moment You're Ready to Quit...Miracles Happen - Wildly Intimate on Receive Gifts and Love Graciously With An Open Heart

Want to Connect to Your Wildly Intimate Woman?

Join The Community and Receive My Intimate Emails

Copyright ©2014 Priyanka Yadvendu · All Rights Reserved · Site Design by The CreativeB · Login