I Desire a Man Who Stands Up For Me and Values My Gentleness, Softness, and Emotional Depth

September 14, 2018 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Dear Reader,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what qualities I desire in a man. I’d like him to be physically and energetically masculine. I’d like him to take the lead in our relationship and be a strong personality. Even though he’ll have a strong personality, I’d like him to be expressive and able to be vulnerable and give me the space and time to be myself and understanding of the fact that I may do things and think differently than him.

Feminine Woman living and standing in her truth and honesty

I don’t expect him to be perfect and I know there will be flaws and clashes with different personalities. The MOST IMPORTANT quality is that he values my gentleness, softness, and emotional depth. Instead of seeing it as a weakness or something to take advantage of. That he sees these qualities in me as something to cherish and love deeply in me. Me being an emotional woman is a strength. Not a weakness for him to prey on.

The past couple months of this year have been spent on forgiving the men I’ve dated who haven’t given me what I wanted and desired deeply. Perhaps I hadn’t given them what they desired, too. Initially, I felt so much anger and rage at previous lovers. I felt deep sadness and anger at myself, too. I couldn’t understand how I had gotten every part of my life right and together. Except for my personal romantic life.

This wasn’t true though, of course. Through all my healing work particularly around my sexuality, I realized the deeply entrenched beliefs I carried in my heart and soul and body. My mother and grandmother and who knows how many generations in both sides of my family carry the belief of being unworthy of love. I didn’t realize I carried this in my cells.

Slowly and slowly, I am realizing that I too deserve to be in love with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and takes care of me and most of all, values my qualities of gentleness and softness in a world that is filled with pretension and manipulation and cruelty.

I am bohemian and old-fashioned at the same time and am so accepting of all kinds of people from all walks of life. My soft presence brings him a soothing, healing, beautiful, sensual energy. I desire to be so loved and accepted by him that I’m able to drop my emotional distance and walls.

My deepest desire in my life is for a man to stand up for me. For someone to hold my hand and tell the world that I belong to him. I want him to have the courage to be a man in every sense and stand up for me and in return, I will be the most sensual, enchanting, devoted, loyal, loving woman to him forever.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

Enchanted Silence: Move Forward from the Letting Go of a Relationship and Start Life Fresh Again

April 8, 2017 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

In Enchanted Silence, Shivani is in a relationship with her investment banker fiancé Shaan. I don’t want to give away the details, her relationship unravels with him when he cheats on her and afterwards, she is faced with the task of processing her pain and moving forward.

Move forward and start life fresh again from the unraveling of a relationship

There are many reasons for why a relationship unravels and when it does, it is a clear sign to let go of the relationship and start life fresh again. To move forward.

As I’ve mentioned several times, Enchanted Silence is very, very inspired from my own life. I identify with the main character and there are strong elements of my personality I infused in Shivani. In my own life, I had to let go of a significant relationship. It took me time, around two years, to move forward.

I can tell you healing takes time and requires deep reflection and inner work. It requires major shifts from the inside in order for these changes to be truly life-changing and transformative in your external world.

It means forgiving yourself big time for what you did do or didn’t do or said or didn’t say. I remember repeating certain events and things I said over and over in my head about my past relationship.

For my healing process to truly occur, I had to dig deep within and ask myself: What fears are triggered from my letting go of this relationship? What beliefs did I carry from this relationship? What stories do I keep telling myself about men and romantic relationships?

The answers to these questions astounded me. After some deep digging internally, I came up with:

I felt I wouldn’t be able to let go of my relationship or that I shouldn’t because it meant I wasn’t successful at relationships or am a good person. I also believed that having been with this person for four years, it had to stand for something. That if I worked harder, then this relationship would work. I deserved this…to be with a man who couldn’t love me the way I deeply desired to be loved or be committed to.

The story I kept telling myself was that I wouldn’t be able to move forward and start life fresh again. That I wouldn’t be able to find someone again. That I couldn’t have a healthy relationship filled with emotional and sexual intimacy and richness.

Just by writing all this, I can feel my heart and my body respond. These beliefs have clearly been embedded emotionally and energetically in my body and playing out in my life.

Now try this: What new story do I desire to tell myself about men and romantic relationships? What does this new story say about my worth? What needs to be accepted, loved, and integrated into my full self? What is an action step(s) I can take to make this story real?

The new story I’d like to tell myself: I absolutely deserve and am worthy of such a magnificent, wonderful, support man in my life. That I have sacred union with him and have a beautiful, healthy relationship that is filled with beauty, grace, forgiveness, trust, and lots and lots of sexiness. I am worthy of this and welcoming tremendous amounts of love and abundance into my life and our relationship is a reflection of this deep richness. And I too, am a sexy, beautiful, marvelous woman.

I must accept that I’m not perfect always. That I can be stubborn at times. That I’ve made mistakes and have not loved myself completely which reflected in my relationship with myself and romance. I forgive myself for all this and starting this very moment, I love myself wholly and even love myself during all the moments I didn’t feel entirely beautiful and whole. I am enough for who I am.

The action step I can take to make this story real is to put myself in the dating scene again and meet men and as I move through this process, I feel genuinely whole and enough as I am right now. And that I can pursue my passions and have fun and feel deep joy in my own life by going for massages, festivals, meeting friends, and doing everything I love to do that makes me me.

As you can see here, I took it upon to change the story to a new story with new beliefs that serve me and support me as I move forward in starting life fresh again. As I wrote this, I literally felt my body and energy changing to the words. It was transformative! And of course, this was simply a glimpse into the process. There is more deep inner work to do.

There are some beautiful sensual and intuitive practices to combine with this that will support you to facilitate your transformation process faster.

Sensual Practices: Create a sacred self-pleasure ritual where you connect to your soul through your sexuality and allow more pleasure into your life. This practice is customized to whatever you’d like it to be. The whole point is to have an intention and do this daily as a way to deeply love yourself and become more acquainted to your womanhood. You can go for massages and dress up in ways that make you feel feminine, soft, and sexy in your day-to-day life, not just parties or special events. Again, do what makes you feel like a sexy, beautiful woman.

Intuitive Practices: Process all your feelings and fears and even excitement that arises about starting life fresh again. Write daily in your journal. Keep it handy when you go to work or by your bed. Allow yourself to cry and laugh freely and when and as you wish. Become crystal clear how you’d like to feel in your new life and whether that includes moving forward with a new relationship or you wish to simply spend time with yourself.

Are you in a similar situation? Are you looking to move forward again? Would you like to heal your wounds and become a brand new transformed woman?

If this post resonated with you and you’d like to move forward and start life fresh again from a relationship’s unraveling, please get in touch with me and schedule time with me to become more Wildly intimate with your desires and goals. I’d love to hold space for your own deep transformation, dear Wildly Intimate Woman.

Image source: pearlz-n-lace.tumblr.com

How a Romantic Entanglement Cracked Me Open and Unraveled My Ego

November 16, 2015 by Priyanka 6 Comments

I usually share little details of my personal life, particularly my romantic life. But I endeavor to be as real as possible, I want to share something I went through in the earlier part of this year.

Being a writer, I am a dreamy romantic. I love this side about myself actually. I love being in love and feel passionately when in a relationship. But it wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t in touch with my divine femininity and sensuality for a long time. I spent a large part of my life pretending to be detached and shoving my emotions for love. I didn’t want to admit that I feel intensely and emotionally and am deeply affected by romance. I liked to present the image that I’m strong and independent and don’t need anyone. But that is far from the truth.

Love is a Divine Exchange of Energy and Purity

I love being in love.

I love that I can let my inner self and physicality shine through when I’m with someone I trust and feel safe and secure. So the first half of this year, I started seeing someone. He seemed to be a sweet guy. If you know me personally, you will know that I don’t place too much importance on material considerations. It is more important that this person showers me with genuine care and love. I like a man who is sensitive to my little needs. These little gestures of affection mean more to me than grand gestures of short-lived attraction.

When I started seeing him, he seemed to be perfect on paper. He had a PhD and good job at a reputed company. But more importantly, he seemed to be sweet and attentive to my needs. I remember the exact moment I started to feel attracted to him. In the beginning, he was just like any other guy, but this moment was the turning point. We went to see a movie together in January and it was freezing cold. I carry a scarf and jacket with me everywhere I go. The movie theater was packed and I didn’t have a spare seat to place my scarf and jacket. I placed the jacket and scarf on my lap and watched the movie with him. My fingers gently played with my scarf and jacket.

About thirty minutes into the movie, he suddenly reached over to my lap and took my scarf and jacket and simply placed it on his lap. When I realized what he was doing, I whispered in his ear that he didn’t need to hold my scarf and jacket and I could hold it. He whispered back that he wanted to hold my jacket and scarf and I should enjoy the movie.

It sounds silly perhaps, but this gesture touched my soul.

I remember a warm fuzzy feeling overcoming me. In that moment, I could see some kind of potential in him as a relationship and something more cemented. He treated me nicely on our first date and took me out for dinner and I appreciated him making me feel special that night, but this little gesture meant more than that.

Now that I look back in retrospect, I realize why that moment meant so much to me. I felt loved, honored, and respected. Isn’t that what any woman or man wants from their partner or for that matter, any kind of relationship? We all want to feel like we matter and that in this gigantic Universe, we are loved and our voice and hearts are important. This is the cornerstone of any relationship that blossoms.

But it is strange how life works out sometimes. After this date, we continued to see each other and things dramatically changed. What initially was a genuine exchange of energy, love, and care, turned into ego-driven fear and unhealthy attachment. As time progressed, I noticed he put up walls and suddenly turned from someone sensitive to completely disregarding my emotions and needs. I won’t place all the responsibility on him because it always takes two to tango. I found my fears and insecurities being triggered as well and didn’t react in the most loving way at times.

But I will say this: I tried to do everything differently with him. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone for the first time in my life. I really wanted to work on myself and how I behave in love. I wanted to be more real and honest with him. And that was how I was the whole time. Each time I tried to open my heart to him, he put up stronger walls. I realize part of this was so I could develop a needy attachment to him to reaffirm his own self-worth and to increase my attraction for him, but ultimately it did what he didn’t wish for. I started to feel less emotionally attached to him.

Long story short, this romantic entanglement didn’t last long and didn’t exactly end on pleasant terms.

It took me some time to understand why this happened and what lessons I was to learn from it because for the first time in my life I had given someone a legitimate chance and opened my heart to reveal the real me. And one day as I was driving somewhere, the music was switched off and I felt my body soften and the word “ego” ringed in my head. It was like a light bulb had flashed. I remember stopping my car and breathing hard.

And then tears rolled down my cheeks. By this time, I didn’t feel any romantic feelings or attraction towards him, but I had felt immense anger towards him. But as those tears fell, all the anger washed away.

I realized that he represented my ego.

I loved in the past with attachment and need. I couldn’t process my own fears and insecurities, so I used a man to feel this validation and love for myself. But he could not give it to me because I didn’t give it to myself. I wasn’t the source of my own love and fulfillment.

I finally understood why he had come into my life. For my ego and need and attachment and fears to be peeled away one by one like the layers of an onion. And then I felt a deep compassion for him. How could I feel angry at him for not treating me the way I wanted to be treated? On some level, his soul was meant to connect with me because he was meant to learn a divine lesson through me as well. I felt love and kindness for him because I could see he could not reveal his real self because he lived through his head and ego and it was not serving him in any way. It must be a painful and limiting way to live this way.

You see, the fear-driven ego only wants to limit you. It wants to keep you in your safe comfort zone. It doesn’t want the true essence of your soul to emerge. And then the realization dawned on me:

I was grateful to him because he made me realize exactly what I wanted in my partner. I knew what kind of partner and love I wanted to be with him.

When I next fall in love, I want to be real and raw. I want the real Priyanka to shine through, including all my flaws and vulnerabilities. I want to show up and serve in an honest way with my heart open. I want to become a better woman so he can become a better man. I want to ask him: My love, how would you like me to uplift and love you? I want us to be a portal into the divine. I desire us to serve and expand each other.

This man, unknowingly, cracked me open through this experience. Because if we hadn’t crossed paths, I would still be living and loving in my limited, fear-driven way.

I hold nothing against him. I hope he finds his true love that uplifts him and he learns to feel comfortable to reveal his naked soul and love. Because this experience has burned up all my darkness to pave the way for my soul’s light to shine through.

I can become a better woman not only in my relationship, but in every part of my life. And this feels freeing and beautiful and divine. I feel special because now I realize I have something special and valuable to bring to my partner and most importantly, to myself.

Have you had a similar experience where you found yourself taken aback and not understanding why it happened? How did you transform after learning the beautiful lesson(s) you were meant to learn? Share your experience with me here. I’d love to hear about it.

Relationships Are Powerful Teachers – 6 Key Lessons They Teach You

March 17, 2015 by Priyanka 3 Comments

I have been thinking about relationships a lot recently. Maybe this is inspired by my own life and the fact that I’ve been watching a lot of Sex and The City recently.

Relationships Are Powerful Teachers

On a more serious note, I can’t help but think about how relationships play a profound role in our lives. We all crave a loving, deeply meaningful relationship, yet obviously things aren’t as simple as we think. Either way, relationships teach us loads about ourselves.

They are powerful teachers and provide immense wisdom.

Look at Your Relationships as Powerful Teachers

Every relationship is meant to teach you about yourself. They trigger emotions and cause emotional inner blocks to rise. They help you to better understand yourself.

So ask yourself: What is this relationship throwing light on about myself? How can I grow? What are the lessons for me to learn?

Clear the Emotions and Inner Blocks

Inevitably, relationships bring attention to your inner blocks. They cause the trigger points to appear. Those deep wounds from previous relationships or childhood or any past experience that haven’t been fully resolved will definitely rise.

Your relationship is an opportunity for you to work through these blocks and clear the emotions.

Pay Attention to What Your Heart Truly Desires

Ultimately, whether the relationship works out or not does not matter, but what does matter is understanding your heart’s desires.

Really observe yourself. Determine what your heart truly desires. What do you want out of your partner? How do you want to behave in a relationship? How do you want to uplift one another in a relationship?

Keep Your Ego Out of the Picture

This one is hard. Ego comes into the picture sometimes. Don’t judge yourself when you respond from a place of control, fear, anxiety, or insecurity.

Instead observe yourself. And then do some inner work. Peel the layers of ego off and be real with yourself.

Be honest to yourself and even your partner.

Keep Your Heart Open

Always, always, and always keep your heart open! Even during challenging times. It’s easy to keep your heart closed, but keeping it open is difficult.

You can only create a true connection with yourself and your partner when you keep your heart open and give yourself permission to be vulnerable.

Fill Yourself With Love

Overfill your life and heart with love. Let it spill into all the areas of your life, so you can be a better person and partner.

What is your biggest takeaway from this post? Please share with me in the comments.

5 Things On A To Do List For A Hiking Date

March 8, 2015 by Priyanka Leave a Comment

Ever thought of going on a hiking date? It is a great way to get to know the man you’re dating better. I have never been on a hiking date, until only recently. And it was a magnificent experience, I must say!

Be yourself and you can both be free during a hiking date. Dress in casual, comfortable attire and have fun.

Be Yourself on A Hiking Date

I wanted to share my personal pointers and tips about going on a hiking date.

Dress Casual, But Classy

When I went on my hiking date, I made it a point to dress in comfortable attire. Believe me, when I say this, when I go on a date or go out with friends, I’m the girly girl.

I love dressing in a way that exudes my sensuality and femininity. I wear big heels and accessorize. But obviously, on a hiking date, that isn’t possible! I wore fitted track pants and a cute bright blue tank top. I topped it off with simple tops on my ears, slipped on a simple ring on my finger, and applied some simple makeup.

My point? Dress comfortably, but you can apply some light makeup. Stay classy too!

Wear Comfortable Shoes

Gosh, always wear a pair of super comfy shoes! I wore black tennis shoes that I wear to the gym. It’s a hike remember and you’re going to be walking around a lot.

Have An Open Mind

I’m not a super outdoorsy person, but I knew that going on a date at Big Basin, I would have to keep an open mind. I’m not one of those people who hike and walk fast. I get tired easily and well, I’m a klutzy person, too. So I did fall flat on my face. It was embarrassing, but I quickly regained my composure.

Talk About Subjects Freely

I feel hiking causes you to enjoy the present moment in front of you. I found bliss walking on the trails and observing the water, trees, and birds. The fresh air made me feel refreshed.

And it provided us with the perfect opportunity to talk about subjects close to our heart casually. We learned a lot about each other through these conversations.

Be Yourself

Like I mentioned earlier, just be yourself. Show you embrace all sides of your personality. I have a quirky personality behind my girly style.

When I fell on my face, I regained my composure and started laughing. I told him jokingly to beware that I’m klutzy. He smiled and laughed at me 🙂

How did you prepare for a hiking date? Do you have any tips? Please share with me in the comments!