I try to be as honest as possible with you. Why? Because I want you to share the experiences I am going through and be able to connect and feel you are not alone. I want you to know that I am human and despite the inner work, I find myself in vulnerable moments.
So What Happened With Me You May Be Wondering?!
I take a deep breathe. So here goes! I was seeing someone and became close to him. I don’t know him very well and things moved fast considering the stage we are in at this point.
A week later, I hadn’t still heard from him despite what had had happened. I can’t speak for him, but for me, it was huge. I had just come out of something intense and well, it ‘s been quite a journey keeping my fragile heart open.
I’m Not Great At Communicating…I Bottle Up My Feelings
So when I hadn’t heard from him for a week. I became fidgety. I was filled with nervousness, fears, and doubts. I couldn’t believe it. I had many great things going on in my life. Just for a freaking phone call, I was putting myself through this!
I became angry at myself. How could I do this to myself? I didn’t go to the gym, eat properly, or focus at work. It sounds like I was making a big deal out of something unnecessarily.
I Became Super Honest With Myself
But no matter how much I become angry or beat myself up for making a big deal out of something seemingly small, the truth is that in my inner world this was affecting me hugely.
I had to sit myself down and breathe in and out. I focused on my breathe. It calmed me down a bit, but I have to admit I still felt antsy. My hands were shaking. I closed my eyes and focused on the frantic energy in my chest and throat.
My Friend Walked Me Through to Communicating With Him
After I realized that he not contacting me was bugging me tremendously, I realized I needed to talk to a friend. I needed someone’s support. The old me would have wallowed in my puddle of emotions. But it’s something I realize now. I must turn to others for support.
I spoke to her and told her my feelings. I told her that him not contacting me brought up all my old wounds from previous romantic communication and exchanges with other guys. So when he did it, it pushed buttons in me. I started panicking.
She told me I had to deal with my feelings and communicate it to him, instead of assuming things and jumping to conclusions. I had to talk it out with him and express how I felt.
I Spoke to Him…
Although I had initially decided stubbornly that I was not going to contact him, I realized my best friend was right. This was not a game about who would call each other first. So I called him and told him how I felt. I told him this was my side of the story. He told me he understood and said he didn’t mean to come across that way. He told me his side of the story.
And then we decided to catch a movie the next day. Things became wrapped up beautifully. But I learned a deeper lesson. That instead of bottling up feelings, I should give myself the freedom and safe space to communicate them freely and openly to myself and others. Even if he didn’t respond in a positive way, I shouldn’t be afraid of doing this.
What are your thoughts on this post? Please share with me in the comments.
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